Do strangers really have candy?

It has been a long time.  I have really neglected my blog, but life has been busy.  There never seems to be enough time to get anything done, but that might be a topic for another post.

It's funny to me that I find that it is often easier to be nice to strangers rather that people I actually know.  It really doesn't apply with my close friends, but to my acquaintances.  I realized it just the other day.

I was in a clothing store and was able to strike up a great conversation with a fellow shopper and a store employee.  I really enjoyed talking to both of them and I felt so great about the conversation.  It wasn't a deep conversation by any means - we just chatted about the items in the store, how to put outfits together, and the discounts we received for our birth month.  It just seemed so much easier to carry on a conversation with these two random people. I felt like I was free to smile and just enjoy being there.

No, of course, it could have something to do with the fact that I was off on a work day and out shopping.  Maybe I was just in a better mood for that very reason.  Maybe it was easier because these two people did not know me at all.   They had no history of me and made no judgments toward me.  I could just be the person I wanted to be in that very moment - a normal, happy woman out for a day of shopping.  If only life could be so easy breezy all of the time. 

Pain

Just when things seemed to be falling into place, they pain came. I had gone to Boot Camp last Monday morning and all seemed to be fine. I came home and changed for work, but did have some problems getting my sports bra off. It had happened before. I guess the combination of sweat and a warm body doesn't make it easy to get the piece off. I struggled a bit with my arms and torso stuck, but I did get it off. I went about my day and thought nothing more of it. By Monday night, my left shoulder was really hurting.

I thought it was one of those "just getting older" type injuries. After two days of increasing pain, I knew it was more than that. I was lucky to have already scheduled an appointment with my doctor for an annual physical, so I went and told her about the pain. She referred me to an orthopaedic doctor.

I am glad to report that there was no damage according to the X rays. It seems I have a bit on tendinitis in my shoulder. The recommended treatment is Advil and heat (I had been doing Tylenol and ice - definitely not right!) After three days of treatment, I am pleased to say that I feel much, much better.

I am lucky that I have never had an injury before now. I did decide to drop out of boot camp until the next session (the coach actually wanted me to continue on with one arm), but I want to be 100% while I am there. It seems that I have come to enjoy boot camp. I do like the changing routines and challenges. I hope I will still be up for it in a few weeks.

It was a bad week. I was really depressed and feeling such discomfort all week. On top of it, my doctor told me I am too heavy and I need to lose weight. I know it to be true, but it is still hard to hear someone tell it to your face. All of this working out is fine, but without better control of eating habits, the weight will creep up. I wound up crying for a little bit Friday morning, but it is amazing what a few days can do to your attitude. I feel better now and ready to focus on trying to lose that weight. I know it will only help my sport.

It's funny how just a few days ago I felt like I had no control and things were spinning away from me. I guess that's what pain can do.

Our Beloved Samantha

This morning, we woke to find that our beloved dog, Samantha, had passed away in her sleep. This loss was totally unexpected. She seemed fine yesterday; she was happy. As you can imagine, with all of the bad things that have been happening in our family lately, this loss was a particularly hard blow. We had no warning, there was no idication that this was coming. We loved our dog so much -she was our baby. Our only solace is that we know she is in a good place and that she knew how much we loved her.

Our friends and family have been wonderful. We have received many, many messages and condolences today. It seems that Sammy was loved by many people, not just us.

We will miss her very much - the sound of her collar jingling, the nose prints on the windows, the tons of fur shedded all over the house.

We just hope that Samantha, Michael, and my mom are having a nice time in heaven together.

My Heart is...

I took this test on Facebook called "What color is your heart?" Here are my results:

You Have A Blue Heart
A person with a Blue Heart is an emotional person. Such people make affectionate lovers and are usually sensitive and are cautious drivers. They are introspective, reflective and have a primary concern for self.

I think this is fairly accurate. I am emotional and sensitive, but I don't think I am a good driver. I am definitely more of an introvert, and I certainly have a primary concern for myself (comes from being an only child, you know!). At the same time, I don't care for things that are mushy and I do like working in the community. Hmmm. Well, folks, do you think this sounds like me?

I love my dog!!

I have realized recently that the one creature in this world that I say "I love you" to more than anyone else is my dog, Samantha. I tell her I love her more than my husband, my father, or my friends. I guess the reason is (besides the fact that she is so adorable) because I know she will not respond. I don't know if she knows what I am saying. I don't know that she comprehends the meaning. I don't have to hold my breath the see if she says she loves me, too. I can shout it out from the top of my lungs, and she will just go about her business. There is no fear of rejection from her. She is safe.

Of course, just look at this face and tell me you don't love her, too!!

Kissy Friends

I have always wanted kissy friends. By this term, I mean that I want friends who kiss each other when they meet or part. You see this a lot on TV and in the movies, but I have never done it in real life. Sure, I hug some of my friends some of the time, but I have never kissed anyone to whom I was not related. It seems like such a nice thing - an extra special way to say I really cherish our friendship. It is not sexual by any means, but more intimate than a hug. Perhaps it is a more European thing that we don't really do in the US. I would experiment, but I don't know how people would react.

Speaking of friends, I went back and posted a picture of Adam and I together on the blog I wrote about out night out. If you happen to be a Facebook friend of mine, you can see some photos I posted of us in high school.

Can't seem to focus

I have been having a lot of problems the last few days trying to focus. It seems that the reminders of the past brought up this weekend are bouncing around in my head.

I like to deal with my emotions in a straight forward simple way - I roll them up tight in a little ball and push that ball as far down in my psyche as I can get it. Then, I deny that any emotions are there and do not allow myself to think about them. It has worked for years. Now, though, my mind seems to be all over the place - here, 20 years ago, the future, 10 years ago. It has caused some problems.

I bought my playoff tickets yesterday for the Carolina Hurricanes. They are playing so well, it seems that they will definitely get a playoff spot. I passed on tickets the first time through, but the Canes extended the offer again in an e-mail I got yesterday. I decided to buy myself a ticket, then hours later I realized that I am a total idiot. There is no schedule for the playoffs yet, as no team in the NHL has actually secured a spot. I know they will start in April, but I have no idea which days it will be. I have class every Tuesday night through the end of April. I have already purchased tickets for the APS Gala on April 19. I have plans for various dates in May. What will happen if I have a game on the same night? It's not like they are regular season tickets - they are much more expensive. I also won't have two to sell - just one, lone ticket. I'm not sure if I would even be able to get rid of it if I needed to in a pinch.

Darn these emotions!! Get back in your corner so I can get back to life.

Sadness

This week marks the 10th anniversary of my mother's death from lung cancer. It is such a surreal thing. It doesn't seem like it has been 10 years, but at the same time, it does feel like it has been that long.

My mother and I were great friends. I was an only child, and my dad traveled when I was a kid. I was always shy, but I did have a few good friends. I think I spent more time with my mom than any other person on the planet. She was a homemaker, so she was always there for me when I got home from school. On my days off from school, we would go shopping together (guess that's where I get my love of the mall, huh?) We would eat dinner together, we would watch TV together, and if I were sick, we would lay in bed all day together. She was the most amazing woman in the world. She never ceased to surprise me with the things she knew.

One day, our car was acting up. She popped the hood, looked at the engine, and determined what the problem was. I don't remember what it was specifically (I did not inherit that trait), but she did fix the car. I was amazed. It shouldn't be a shocking thing. After all, this was the woman who won the powder puff drag race in college. It's how she first met my dad.

I only wish she were still here to teach me more things. We had 26 wonderful years together, and I know I will see her again someday.

PS - Don't cry Maggy. I know you miss her , too. Just remember the good times and that she and I both love you.