Friday, April 23, 2010

The other alternative is dying

It seems that this year, more than any other, I have really noticed that I am aging. It is not so much my mindset, but my physical body. In my mind, I am still the same person I have always been. I know that technically I am an adult, that I have a job, pay my bills, take care of a home, a husband, and two dogs. I still feel like a kid though, as if I am just playing at these things. My mind does not feel any different that it did 10 years ago.

The body is a totally different story. I noticed this week that I have a lot of silver hair growing near my scalp. I have been coloring my hair for years, but I have never noticed these hairs like I have this past week. It made me briefly wonder what my hair really looks likes under all this dye, but then it made me even more determined not to find out. I also have floaters in my eyes now. Every now and again, a lovely little black spot flies past my eye and there is nothing I can do about it. Some days, my body just feels like it is slowly breaking down - the knees are a little tight, the muscles are a little more tender. I went through a phase where I believed I was having heart issues. Every little twitch makes me think something could possibly be wrong. I was never like this before. I am middle aged. When the heck did that happen?