My Other Life

I believe in past lives. It seems hard to believe that there are an unlimited number of souls to inhabit all of the people who have ever walked the Earth. Some people may think I am a kook, some people may agree with me.

I feel like I was a hippie in my most recent past life. I don't know why I feel that way, it has just always been this thing I have thought. I feel like I was a woman, and for some weird reason, I feel like I was blond. I think I was a drug addict who met her unfortunate end due to a heroin overdose. I think I died in the late 60s, but since I started my current life in 1971, perhaps it was later. I don't really remember anything, it's just more like a feeling that it fits.

I think it may be the reason that I have never touched drugs, or even a cigarette, in this lifetime. It is like I know I would not be able to handle it, so I have never put myself in a position to try it. Yet, I do think there were some good things about my past life. Maybe being a hippie has lead me to be a more tolerant, more liberal person in this life. I almost think I would like to be a hippie again. Just this time I would do it without the drugs and with better shoes.

Can't seem to focus

I have been having a lot of problems the last few days trying to focus. It seems that the reminders of the past brought up this weekend are bouncing around in my head.

I like to deal with my emotions in a straight forward simple way - I roll them up tight in a little ball and push that ball as far down in my psyche as I can get it. Then, I deny that any emotions are there and do not allow myself to think about them. It has worked for years. Now, though, my mind seems to be all over the place - here, 20 years ago, the future, 10 years ago. It has caused some problems.

I bought my playoff tickets yesterday for the Carolina Hurricanes. They are playing so well, it seems that they will definitely get a playoff spot. I passed on tickets the first time through, but the Canes extended the offer again in an e-mail I got yesterday. I decided to buy myself a ticket, then hours later I realized that I am a total idiot. There is no schedule for the playoffs yet, as no team in the NHL has actually secured a spot. I know they will start in April, but I have no idea which days it will be. I have class every Tuesday night through the end of April. I have already purchased tickets for the APS Gala on April 19. I have plans for various dates in May. What will happen if I have a game on the same night? It's not like they are regular season tickets - they are much more expensive. I also won't have two to sell - just one, lone ticket. I'm not sure if I would even be able to get rid of it if I needed to in a pinch.

Darn these emotions!! Get back in your corner so I can get back to life.

As I pass into my 36th year on this planet...

Today marks the beginning of year 36 for me. This morning, during my run (yes, it was very cold outside), I started thinking about my past relationships - past loves, past regrets, past mistakes, past chances that failed, and past chances never taken. I had a few fond memories in the bunch, and more than I few memories that I wished to forget. I thought about the people who have affected my life, and wondered where a few of them are now and what they are doing. I remembered a few people that I wish I had never let in my life.

For better or worse, these people made me the person that I am today. At the ripe old age of 36, I find that I am happy. I have a wonderful husband, a sweet dog, good friends and family. I have a job that is decent and a home that is warm. I have love and I am loved. I think that is pretty much all we want as humans. The first 35 years have been good - I hope the next 35 continue to bring more of the same. Happy birthday to me!