The other alternative is dying

It seems that this year, more than any other, I have really noticed that I am aging. It is not so much my mindset, but my physical body. In my mind, I am still the same person I have always been. I know that technically I am an adult, that I have a job, pay my bills, take care of a home, a husband, and two dogs. I still feel like a kid though, as if I am just playing at these things. My mind does not feel any different that it did 10 years ago.

The body is a totally different story. I noticed this week that I have a lot of silver hair growing near my scalp. I have been coloring my hair for years, but I have never noticed these hairs like I have this past week. It made me briefly wonder what my hair really looks likes under all this dye, but then it made me even more determined not to find out. I also have floaters in my eyes now. Every now and again, a lovely little black spot flies past my eye and there is nothing I can do about it. Some days, my body just feels like it is slowly breaking down - the knees are a little tight, the muscles are a little more tender. I went through a phase where I believed I was having heart issues. Every little twitch makes me think something could possibly be wrong. I was never like this before. I am middle aged. When the heck did that happen?

I am an old hypochondriac

Well, I started getting nervous about the problem of my eyesight, so I called my optometrist and made an appointment. It turns out those lovely gray spots passing through my sight are floaters. They are caused by the deterioration of vitreous fluid in the eye. It is a normal part of the aging process, and is not serious. I can confirm, however, that they are highly annoying. So, I was glad to find out that there is nothing serious wrong with my eyesight. My doctor says it is like getting a grandfather clock. You will hear the ticking of the clock at first, but will get used to it the longer it stays around. So, I guess I just need to get used to these little buggers.

I also realized why my chest has been hurting. I have been swimming more than ever - an hour at a time of upper body exercise. I am not used to doing any exercises with my upper body (as a matter of fact, I have a pretty weak upper body). My poor chest muscles are not used to any use, so no wonder they hurts.

So, I am well. I am just getting older. It could be worse.

Mystery Pains

I am beginning to worry that I am a hypochondriac. I am not feeling well, and I worry that it is something really bad. I always imagine the worst when it comes to feeling a little sick. After my bump in the night fears, I am nervous to go to the doctor again. Hubby says I am just getting old. Maybe there is some real truth to it.

Since January, I have had little black spots in my vision. They come up occasionally, move across my vision, then disappear. It is annoying, but hasn't caused any other problem. I Googled black spots (I guess I did not learn from the last incident), and it says it is just a sign of getting older. Today, though, I did decide to e-mail my eye doctor to see if he thinks I should come in for a check up.

Last night, my right thumb started hurting. It was hurting very badly. It did not look swollen and I did not bang it. I could just barely seem to move it. When hubby touched it, I thought I was going to cry. It still hurt this morning, but I heard it pop around lunch time. It is feeling much better now.

The left side of my chest hurts. It hurts from under my arm down the side of my chest. It feels like a muscle ache. I have felt around and there are no bumps. I really have no idea what it is. It started last night too, but before bed. It is not from sleeping in a bad position.

I wish my best friend was a doctor. I wish I knew someone who could say "Don't worry." For now, I guess I will just try to rest and hope it goes away. The groin pull I had a few weeks ago went away. Maybe I really am getting old.

Where did the time go?

Tomorrow I leave to go to my 20th high school reunion. Now, I actually did not graduate from the high school in CA (I did graduate from a high school in SC), but I did spend second grade to tenth grade there. I count CA as the place I grew up. I know these folks better than I know the people I actually did graduate with in SC. So, I am heading out there and staying with one of my dearest friends who I have not seen in about 6 years.

I am excited, but also nervous. Will people remember me? Will I remember them? Will they think it is strange that I am there even though technically I did not graduate from CA? With the advent of Facebook, I have gotten in touch with so many more people. Most are so excited for the reunion. I hope the trip will be as much fun as I imagine it will be. I guess I will have to let you know when I get back.

20 Years Later

This summer marks my 20 year reunion from high school. It is so hard to believe that it has been 20 years already, yet not hard to believe at all. It is such a strange feeling. I feel so distanced from those days. I even have a hard time coming up with memories.

Through networking sites like Facebook, I have already reached out to many old friends from high school. It has been great getting back in touch with folks, seeing what they look like now, and hearing how their lives have turned out. At the same time, it is so strange to be hearing from these people again. What do I have in common with any of them? Nothing , really, except the fact that we all lived in the same place at one point in time. It makes me wonder if I should even go to the reunions. Will it be fun or will it be uncomfortable?

Luckily, I have until at least August to think about it. The funny thing is that hubby's 20th college reunion will be in November. I am looking forward to that more that I am my own. I know his friends will be fun, and I know I will have a good time.